We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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