i was born a porn star she said
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
