I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
