all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
