I just threw up on my dentist
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
