I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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