I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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