I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
