I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I would fuck him just for his dog
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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