Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
soo... how was my night?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
