I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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