God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
