New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
