someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
