I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
