I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
