i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Can I color on your dick again?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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