Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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