I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The power of my boobs compel you
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
