Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
