Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
