just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
