Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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