God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
