he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
