He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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