clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
