Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
