Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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