You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
