Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
