if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
