Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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