I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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