ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
