Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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