I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
