cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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