Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
