1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
