you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
