ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize