it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
