May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
