and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
