Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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