We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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