he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
