so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
