I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
