I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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