please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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