She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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