I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
