My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
