Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
