I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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