Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
