Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
