That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
