There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
