careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
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we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
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Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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