Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
