Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
