The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
