they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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